Have you ever walked into a room and stopped everyone talking? Have you ever presented an image of dashing and intelligence to die for? If you haven’t, take my hand and let me introduce you to the ultimate dream.
When I walked into my university bar, with tan retro leather jacket, tight black trousers (slightly flared), black tight shoes with heel, long curly jet black hair, coffee coloured skin and clean shaven; It wasn’t the ‘normal’ me. I had lost my fat, my face had structure, I had newly discovered cheek bones and a few signs of a jaw line. I wore contact lenses that lightened my dark brown eyes, the exterior was a far cry from the virgin inside.
I started playing pool, almost oblivious to the attention that was going to become a regular side-kick to my society life from now on. A pretty short blond girl started to look and inquire as to where this ‘being’ had come from. Little did she know that this born-geek, fat paki boy turn (almost) model was a speeding rocket with conflicting allegiances, one to the brain, which made him who he was, and the other to the physical which gave him access to a wonderful heavenly world of indulgence and lustful pleasures. This is the ultimate dream.
I would draw attention like a superior alien, and what would follow would perplex and confuse the female of the species. Is he gay? No, just intelligent, or more precisely; more intelligent than you. What do you do? what are your ambitions in life? what?! you don’t fancy me? You don’t wanna shag?
I didn’t ‘score’ in two years, I wasn’t me, this wasn’t for me, not yet anyway. I walked away from this scene of sex, and grew a beard. I retreated to what I new best, my home; that of isolation. I left my country of birth. I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted in life. But I knew I had to walk away to start to know. Discover who I really was.
I have not had sex for 6 years and more. I talk honestly now, I know not how to lie anymore. I know the brain is the base. But I know that the world we live in has a currency in power, wealth and the physical. I can offer the physical, I have worked hard for that, and am still working hard. I was not born with a silver spoon, but I know of its flaws, I know, that I would have always been attracted by a Ferrari if I hadn’t have driven one for a few days and realised how fickle this society is. I laugh now, but I am too acutely aware that to live the life I want to, with freedom, I need to make some money first.
I want experience, I want to know what being ‘Bond’ feels like, I want to know what ‘Tom Cruise’ felt like in Cocktail; I have been sold the American Dream. I am aware (rationally) of its flaws, but there is a world of difference when you give me experience (first-hand) on the subject. When I’m at the mountain top when I’m 50, I want to say that ‘I wore the t-shirt son’ and I came here at the end, away from all of it.
I want to feel in my life, different experiences, they will improve me, because I have a brain. I feel pain, that no longer scares me, I ride through it like on a rocket bomb with a stetson in my hand. Life is like no other, the more keys you have to the secret rooms, the more you will discover about the workings of people, and our role if any on this momentary planet. I have a dream of living like the fickle but possessing a brain that may scare most, and attract the ‘odd, exotic and alien’.
After all, I’ve always been called ‘odd, exotic and alien’.
